What's in a name?

Well, the sold sign is in front of our new house! It's official! Hooray! Now to sell our house over here...I hope it sells quickly and easily!

My husband and I have been thinking a lot about our future child's name lately. We've thought of a name for if it's a girl, we both really like the name Abigail, but we haven't really come up with a name for a boy yet!! We talked about the name Ronald, or Renald...or maybe Henri...but we haven't decided yet. A lot of people choose not to annouce the name till the child is there...I like that idea! Once we receive our referral, we'll think about a name more seriously. Of course, our child will probably be about a year old when we get a referral, and will already have a name. There's always the possibility that we keep the name he was given at birth.

I have a confession to make...I have always seen myself with a little girl, to be honest...and friends and family have always said they see us with a girl. Whenever I picture our future child in my mind, for some reason it's always a girl! Isn't that strange? I guess this is because both Raph and I are quiet, reserved, calm, intellectual personalities. Or maybe it's just the fact that there are lots of girls in my family! I have four sisters, and three nieces...
Of course, there's a much higher chance that we'll get a boy from the Philippines...girls are quite rare for international adoption over there. The girls usually get adopted domestically first! The opposite of China! We realize this, and are more than okay with that! I believe that raising a girl is very different from raising a boy, but I think it's a myth that raising girls is easier than raising boys! In fact, in most of the books I've read so far, adopted girls seem to have a harder time with adoption issues and identity crisis later on in life than boys do. Each presents it's own challenges and rewards, but I guess we'll find out for ourselves first hand soon enough! Girl or boy, it doesn't really matter to us...what's important is that our baby be in good health and be as young as possible. We would like to experience as much of our child's early days as we can and be a part of his or her life as early as possible :0)

When we went to the information session for the Philippines, they told us we would most likely be referred a boy, and that we couldn't ask specifically for a girl or a boy. We actually liked this idea...that is, not being able to ask for the sex of the child, and letting them match us. I mean, even if we had gotten pregnant, we would not have been able to choose the sex of the child...so why should we get to choose when we adopt?! Like all parents, we just want our child to be happy and healthy! Isn't that what's important? It feels wrong and I have a big moral issue with choosing specific details about our child. It makes me feel like I'm somehow buying our child!! If we were to do that, it's like we're going to a store and picking out what we want...so, blue eyes, green eyes or brown? Red, brown, blond or black hair? I mean, it's human lives that we're talking about, and we're definitely not buying our child!! Children are not a commodity to be sold, bought, bargained or traded!!!! That goes against our morals and our beliefs...and ethically, of course we have a huge problem with this. This is where the The Hague convention and the charter of human rights comes in, I guess! So, although I sometimes feel frustrated at how long the adoption process takes, I know that it is necessary in order for everything to be legal and above board! And only under those circumstance would I ever consider adopting....
Just look at the scandal with the young girl from Slumdog Millionaire!! It`s awful and hard to believe, but these things are happening around the world, every day!!

About a year ago, I came across this website for private adoption in the US, where you basically pay a birth mother to carry and have a baby. They match pregnant women with potential couples wanting to adopt. They say the waiting period is about a year from start to finish (but there`s a steep price to pay for this as well!) The adoptive parents can browse through the files and choose the birth mother of their choice. You can choose the level of education and background information on the birth mother, as well as physical features. The adoptive parents pay for the mother's room and board, food, clothing, etc...during her pregnancy, and when the baby is born the adoptive parents go to the hospital and bring home the baby. They then pay the rest of the fees to the agency, and the birth mother gets a share as well. Basically, the adoptive parents are paying the birth mother for her baby! And who`s to say she won`t change her mind at the hospital, after giving birth?! Thanks for paying my rent and for my food and clothing...but, I've decided to keep my baby! And she's the birth mother, so it's absolutely her right to keep her baby....and any court will support her 100%!
Although I admit I would have loved to experience adopting a newborn, this didn`t feel right to us at all!! It felt very wrong, and we chose to go for international adoption in the Philippines instead! It may take a whole lot longer, but at least now we know that everything is completely legal and kosher with our adoption! And that makes the long wait so worthwile....