Thursday, March 17, 2011
Hello to my bloggy friends! Yes, we've reached the two year mark. We are now at 25 months since ICAB approval. To be honest, I never thought we would have to wait this long. The twenty-four month mark was pretty rough...in my mind, I was so sure we would receive a referral before we reached the two year mark. When we started the adoption process, they told us the longest we would have to wait after ICAB approval was twenty-four months. Of course, circumstances have changed. Certain issues with ICAB that are beyond our control have increased the wating time considerably for all future adoptive parents!! It's very frustrating. It has made me feel powerless...and it is a big test of patience and faith for both Raphael and myself. For me it means learning to let go and to just trust that whatever life throws at us, we can handle it. Things will go the way they are meant to go...even if I don't understand the reasons behind it now, who am I to question the path that God has seemingly chosen for us?! (destiny, or whatever you want to call it...)
Okay, so this isn't how I planned things...this isn't how I envisioned or imagined my life growing up...but that doesn't mean this isn't the right path. This is the true sense of "going with the flow."
I have to trust that it will all work out in the end. I have no control over this...and that's probably the hardest part to accept! My mantra for the adoption process, and for life in general (the Serenity Prayer): God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
It's been a while since I've posted anything...mostly because the wait has been so long, and there just hasn't been much news on the adoption front! Basically, we're still waiting. Patiently, most of the time! Some days I feel very discouraged and wonder if it's ever really going to happen...will the phone actually ring one day with the news that we've been matched and that we finally have a referral?! Will our turn ever really come? It just doesn't feel real yet. We've been waiting for so long, and it feels like we're not a step further than we were three years ago when we started this process. I know this isn't actually the case, but sometimes it feels that way.
We try to keep our lives going and we don't let the adoption stop us from doing the things we want to do. We are keeping busy with lots of different projects. For example, we are making plans to go on vacation in Italy for three weeks this summer. It's very hard to make plans though, not knowing when we'll have to drop everything and travel to the Philippines to bring home our little one. Still, it could be another eight months (nearly enough time for a full-term pregnancy...I'm very aware of this fact!) before we hear anything...I don't want to just sit around and wait for the phone to ring either! We have to go on with our lives and live our life to the fullest...
So...we made tentative plans for this summer, booked our flights to Italy...and remain flexible, open-minded and ready to change our plans at the last minute as need be. It's the best that we can do at this point.
On a more positive note, we did get some news from the Philippines right after the Christmas holidays. We received an e-mail from ICAB asking us for an update. So, we contacted our Psychologist back in Amos, the one who did our original report, and had him update our file. We made a little photo album to send to the Philippines as well. It felt good to be doing something concrete and productive towards the adoption. Now, we sit back and wait...
I saw this video of Maria, a sweet little Filipino girl singing a new Lady Gaga song. I like the message of the song, which is basically that you're beautiful the way you are. It's a song about loving and accepting oneself. She's so adorable! What a cutie...and so talented! Makes me wish for a little Filipino girl :)
Of course, boy or girl...it doesn't really matter to us. Either way, we will be very happy! We just want the phone to ring and finally receive our referral! We are so ready...in fact, Raph and I have been ready for the last two years!! Yes, our lives will be changed forever...and we're probably not as ready to become parents as we'd like to think...but we sure are ready to give it a try! Something tells me no parent, biological or adoptive, really knows what they're getting into until they actually have kids. I don't want to sound whiny...that's not very becoming or mature...still, I can't help wondering, when will it be our turn?!
Posted by Amber at 4:42 PM