Should I stay or Should I go?

It's really great getting to know other families in the process of adoption! A few weeks ago, my husband and I were invited by Anik (our resource person from the adoption agency!) to join in on a spaghetti lunch organized for adopted children and their families in the area. There were magicians, games, food and other activities for the kids. It sounded like great fun and my husband and I were looking forward to going. At the same time, I was a little nervous about the whole event. The main reason being that we don't have kids yet! It was a great opportunity to meet other adoptive families, but I felt awkward going there with my husband and watching the other families and their kids play. My husband expressed the same sentiment, telling me he was not sure he could handle and endure hearing the well meant but empty "your turn will come soon!" comments from other families, as they chase their kids around. In the meantime, the two of us spend our time standing around with empty hands, staring at each other, wondering what the heck we are doing there. I was surprised to hear him say that, but know exactly what he means. I feel the same way. It's like kids' birthday parties...when you're an adult couple without kids at an event meant for kids to socialize, it just feels kind of awkward and I end up feeling out of place. We waited and kept putting off making a decision as to whether or not to go, and finally ended up missing the sign up date. So, we didn't go to the spaghetti lunch. Of course, I regret the decision now, and feel it would have been a nice opportunity to meet new people, and talk to other families who have adopted and have been through the same thing. There will be other opportunities for this, the group will hold other events and next time we will make an effort to go!! It's important to make these connections and build a support network even before our child arrives.

I've been reading a lot of books about adoption, and it's making me a little nervous! Particularly the attachment issues with internationally adopted children. One thing on which all of the authors I've been reading about seem to agree is that babies abandoned by their biological mothers right after, or shortly after, birth are often negatively affected and this can have life long consequences. It has even been proven that it affects brain development, when you cut that first, essential contact with the birth mother. So when you adopt such a child, you kind of have to re-train their brain, the argument goes. This seems like a daunting task! I know my husband and I are up to the challenge, but reading these books makes me realize how long and difficult the road ahead of us with our child is going to be. On the other hand, maybe reading all of these books and this information on the internet is NOT such a good thing....I'm foreseeing and also possibly creating problems that aren't even there! It's good to be prepared and to know what you're going into, but I have to be careful not to read too much into things! Otherwise, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I'll label the child with special issues and problems before ever even meeting him or her!! I guess I'm making things too complicated for nothing. I want to be the best parent that I can possibly be, and that's why I'm informing myself as much as I can ahead of time. By the same token, I kind of have to just go with the flow and play it by hear, see how things go...and just let the kid be a kid.