Filipino cuisine continued...

Thank you all for your wonderful responses! Yay, now I have a few titles to look for at the bookstore :0) I can't wait to try some of those recipes...I'll let you know how it goes!

I too believe that it's very important to expose our child to more than just the symbolic food, costumes and holidays by getting involved in local Filipino culture. I think that it's vital in the forming of the identity of our child. After all, our child is, and will always be, Filipino. That's part of who he or she is! I want him or her to know what that means, what it entails and to be proud of this. Reading Emilie's comment on cultural integration, it really resonates with me. Deep down, this is what I truly hope for! All the books that I've read so far on international adoption express this exact same idea of exposing the child to various cultures (in particular the culture of the child's country of birth) as being what's best for identity formation and bonding. I think when we're talking about inter-racial adoption, this becomes even more important. I'm still not quite sure how to get involved in local Filipino culture, but I think I just have to be on the lookout for cultural activities locally...and be open and receptive to different opportunities that present themselves. Actually, such an opportunity presented itself just this weekend! A close friend of mine, M, mentioned that she might be able to put us in touch with some people she knows. Her step-mother's brother is married to a Filipino lady. They will be in town this summer, and we are trying to arrange something so that we can meet them! My husband and I are really looking forward to this, and we hope it works out. M forwarded my last posting concerning Filipino recipes to them, and they responded that Filipino cooking involves rice, rice, and more rice :0) I thought that was cute (and undoubtedly very true, like most Asian cooking!) They also graciously forwarded the following link, which I thought I would share with you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuisine_of_the_Philippines
It's a great link describing the staple Filipino foods and also has some traditional recipes from the Philippines.
On a side note: now I'm really glad that we've got a rice steamer! It makes the best rice, and it's sooo simple to use! I don't like machines, but this one's really basic and user friendly, and the rice comes out perfect each time! As for the McDonald's...I was just talking about this with my sister in law C, whose family is from China and who has travelled to Asia a few times. We were talking about some of the different delicatessens and the different dishes that they eat over there. In most of Asia (other than the rice, which we've already covered!) they also generally like to eat ALL parts of the animal. My brother and I joked that there's always a McDonald's, if worse comes to worse! You can find that almost anywhere. She said: you guys laugh, but the best McDonald's I ever had was actually in Japan! It actually tastes different in different countries. Although I've never been to Asia, I have to agree that the McDonald's I've eaten in Europe did taste different! And my husband's take on all of this? Hey, I am not travelling all the way to the Philippines to eat McDonald's!! Raph has always had a strong stomach and isn't a picky eater at all, so I'm sure he'll be fine. Still, something tells me that we won't feel much like trying different restaurants in the Philippines with our little one in tow...honestly, I imagine we'll probably be spending most of our time in the hotel room, ordering in room service (if possible!) and just getting to know each other. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things go when our turn comes :0)

On a different note, I thought that I would include a picture of some tulips, for the month of May! It's tulip season in Ottawa :0) Each year, the Dutch royal family donates tulips to Ottawa to thank them for having taken in the Queen of Holland during the second world war.

My picture of tulips, which I had posted in the title space previously to represent Ottawa, and of course my dutch heritage. I don't want to forget my dutch culture and language either :0) I will do my best to find a balance, and to keep all of the different languages and cultures alive...

A question of communication: linguistic issues

Well, my classes are done now and I've seen my students for the last time. I also finished correcting the final exams. Raph came up for the weekend. He graciously helped me with totalling up the marks and entering the grades into the system...that way, it's all double checked, and it goes twice as fast ;0)
We also cleaned out the fridge, cleaned up the garage and the back yard (Raph would have mowed the lawn too, but there was snow on the ground in the morning!) I also did the laundry and cleaned out the clothes from our closets. Basically, we did a quick spring cleaning and got the house ready for visits. We should get our price for our old house this week from the company, and the For Sale sign will go up as soon as we accept and sign the papers. So, this is it...my classes are done, we spent our last weekend in Amos...we're really moving! It's starting to feel real now!! I received confirmation for the correcting of the College English Exit Exam. I will be working as a marker for the May session. This takes place in Montreal, so I'm going to stay at my brothers for a couple of weeks. It will be nice to spend some time with him, his wife and their two girls. I'm a little sad to be saying goodbye to our house and my students over here and to think that it's over for real...but I'm also really happy and excited to think about the new life that's about to begin for us. A new house, new city, new friends, new job...and hopefully soon, a baby. Our lives are going to change a lot over the next year or so! I'm really excited, but also a bit nervous :0) Change is good, and we learn and grow from such experiences...so I'm embracing it :0)

On the adoption front, things are moving along quietly, slowly but surely...really, there's nothing new to report! I found out that for the immigration papers, it will be a lot simpler than I thought. The letter we received was the confirmation that we were waiting for all along...I thought we would receive an official document, but Anik (our wonderful resource person!) explained to us that till we get a referral, that letter confirming they received our paperwork to open a file is all the agency needs. And the kit that immigration sent us to fill out once we receive a referral, that's only for couples adopting from China...for the Philippines, you don't need the whole kit with the pictures, etc...
But, I'm getting ahead of myself....first, we need to receive a referral before we start to worry about citizenship! Still, you need to open a file with immigration when adopting, otherwise you can't accept the referral...so, it's important.
Really, there isn't much left for us to do now till we receive our referral! There won't be much for me to report on the adoption front either...now, we just sit back and wait!!
A bloggy friend that I've been following for a few months now received a referral for an adorable twelve month old baby boy :0) I'm so excited for her and her family! It's very fun and encouraging to see referrals :0) It makes it feel more real.

I've been thinking about the language issue quite a bit recently...
Our future child will probably have heard Tagalog from the caretakers for the first year of his/her life. Maybe a little English.
My husband and his family are Francophone and they speak French.
My family is from Holland, and we speak mostly Dutch when were all together at family gatherings.
English is the international language, and it's the language which I'm most fluent and most comfortable expressing myself in... (since I moved out of my parents' house and no longer speak or hear Dutch on a daily basis, I'm losing my Dutch, even though it's technically my mother tongue!)
Now, what do we teach our child!? My husband and I are both bilingual, although my husband's French is much stronger than his English, and my English is stronger than my French (especially in writing!) I think that what we will do is: I will teach our child English and speak mostly English at home, and Raph will speak to our child mostly in French. Also, we plan on sending our child to a bilingual school, where students get equal amounts of French and English at school. I hope that my family will help in keeping the Dutch heritage and tradition alive. If our child doesn't speak French, it will be difficult for him or her to communicate with my husband's family...and if I don't teach a little Dutch to my husband and our child, we will always stand on the outside...when you have to translate or explain a joke, it just isn't funny anymore! And it's hard to follow a conversation when you're busy trying to translate or explain something...
So, yes...the language question is an issue!

I don't want to forget our child's Filipino heritage and culture either...
I think it's important to honour that as well.
One day, when our child is old enough...(and shows interest!) I would love to travel to the Philippines and visit the sites of his/her birth country. Learn about Filipino culture. But I leave this up to our child, and respect whatever he or she wishes...if going back is too painful and stirs up too many memories, or if there's no interest and our child is too North American by that time to be curious about the country of birth, I will understand and respect that too. Of course, there are ways to learn about different cultures without travelling, such as cooking traditional food, wearing traditional clothing, etc...
I am looking for a Filipino Cookbook, or just traditional recipes from the Philippines so that I can start learning how to cook at least a couple of traditional Filipino meals. If anyone has any cookbooks or recipes that they can recommend, that would be greatly appreciated :0)

Happy Mother's Day!

A special happy mother's day to my mom!
Thank you for everything that you've done for me...
You've always been my number one fan, supporting me, believing in me and pushing me to be my best. You've always been there for me whenever I needed you.
Know that I am grateful and appreciative, and I love you!
I'm sure that I'll only truly realize, understand and appreciate the full extent of what you've done for me once I have a child of my own, and become a mother myself...
So thank you, and I hope that you have a wonderful day!

For all of you moms and future moms out there...here's a song dedicated to you. This is one of my favorite mom songs! My mom sent it to me by e-mail, from Youtube. I just love it and wanted to share it with all of you.

It's funny, and so very true!! Indeed, a mother's work is never done. So here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGViouBPNIU


Also, it's our three month anniversary since ICAB approval :0)
Although we haven't met you yet, our hearts are already filled with love for you.
Already three months that we've been waiting officially to become parents to our little Filipino baby...three months closer to holding you in our arms and bringing you to your new home to begin our lives as a family.
And three months closer to the day we can celebrate mother's day together :0)
I promise you that we will find a way to honour the memory of your birth mother on this day as well...

So happy mother's day everybody! Enjoy :0)

On dealing with infertility

I got back on Sunday night from a great weekend with Raphael in Gatineau...it was short, but sweet! I drove down alone with the dog (I'm pretty proud of myself!) Poor Carbon got motion sickness and threw up in the car on the way down. What a yucky mess! It's a good thing we decided to put a stain resistant spray on our back seat! It cleaned very well. I guess it's good practice for when we have kids :0) The drive back went much better. I stopped more often to let her run around, I guess that helped!

Raph and I took our dog for a walk in Gatineau Park On Saturday. It's such a beautiful, big park...I know we're going to love hiking with the dog over there, going for bike rides, bringing a lunch and going for a picnic. I saw that there's a kind of beach too...even camping and canoeing! I can't wait...

We're in the middle of moving. Raph just started a new position, and he's thinking of doing his MBA next year, and I've always dreamed of doing my Ph.D. I'm looking for a new job as well. We've got lots of projects on the table and our lives are pretty full with family and friends. That being said...we're very eager to have a child! We strongly desire to become a family. The best way I can explain it is that we just don't feel complete without our child!
It comes in waves though, it depends on the day. Somedays I'm really busy, content and fulfilled and time just seems to fly by...other days, I just wonder when it will be our turn and I feel a little jealous! I read someone else admit to this on her blog, and it has given me the courage to admit to it too :0) I'm not proud of it, on the contrary I'm rather ashamed...envy and jealousy are ugly...but it's unfortunately true. I'm kind of jealous of my friends who are pregnant or have children, and I'm even envious of those who've gotten their referral. Of course I'm genuinely very, very happy for my friends, but it's often tinged with jealousy and pain when it comes to having babies and children. Especially in the dark witching hours of the night, I struggle with my emotions and lie awake thinking to myself "why not me?" or "why not us?" Raph and I are a wonderful, intelligent, loving couple (if I do say so myself!) We're responsible, well-educated adults with good jobs and a stable lifesyle...so indeed, why not us?! At this point, I usually have my childlike reaction and think to myself...it's just not fair!! My dad used to always tell me that no one said life was fair when I shouted that. It always worked...because it's true! Who said life was fair?! Whoever promised us that?! There is no right or wrong, fair or unfair in our infertility issues...it just is!! It's been very difficult to accept and come to terms with, but it's simply a fact. Our reality. I don't think anyone "deserves" a child more than another. Everybody's got a story, everyone has their own struggles.

We've been waiting for what feels like such a long time and we've gone through so much to have a child! We went through fertility treatments for over two years before going to adoption. Putting together a file takes nearly a year of hard labour and energy with the psychological evaluations, and all of the paperwork. I guess it's no wonder that after all of that, the wait can feel like an eternity sometimes...
Since I turned thirty, it's gotten harder. I always thought that I would have my first child by the time I'm thirty...watching everyone else around me start their families, and not being able to do the same is difficult. It's that biological clock that's ticking, it's just in our nature! We can't help it, we've been programmed that way for thousands of years. It's such a primal desire to want to bear children. I guess we just have to trust that when the time is right, our turn will come...
Raph and I have grieved the idea that we'll never have a biological child together, nor will we ever experience pregnancy (although almost everyone who's gone through it tells me it is highly overrated...but I don't care! I would have loved to experience this...)
Grieving was a very difficult and painful process. We came out of it stronger and closer as a couple, and we'd still love to experience raising children together, finally becoming a family!!
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Had I gotten pregnant, it could have cost me my health. Through adoption, we are hopefully giving a child a chance for a much better quality of life, which might otherwise not have been the case. I know that my mom is right about one thing...once we have children, we'll be wondering why the heck we were in such a rush. Why didn't we just enjoy our freedom and our time together as a couple when we had the chance!? Being parents is hard work, a full-time job! Is it because of pressure from society? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...well, the baby in the baby carriage, no?! Ask any five year old, they'll tell you! It's hard some days, not to get lost in the dream of the future...but we have to stay and live in the present...enjoy the moment to the fullest! Our children will be there before we know it...and we have the whole rest of our lives to be moms.

You know what I read in a book about adoption today? I read that caretakers in orphanages often promise children a world filled with toys and trips to Disneyland when they go live with their new families. I guess they try to make the future enticing to them as well. I had to laugh when I read that! Who knew?! If that's true, then our child is going to be pretty disappointed when he or she gets here! Are we in for a major reality check when the rose tinted sunglasses come off?! Hmmmm....I guess time will tell.

Our house...in the middle of the street...

I thought that since we're moving in a few short weeks, I would post some pictures of our house. That way we'll have something to remember our old house by! So, here it goes:



This is our office, where I sit and write on our blog :0)




This is a picture taken last summer, of the front of our house. Notice how large the streets are over here!






This picture was also taken last summer, of our backyard. It's all fenced in so that our dog can run around. She dug under the fence and escaped four times...yep, that's right... count em, four times!




Our living room with Delft blue plates that my mom sent me from Holland

Our bedroom, which I really love! I hope to re-create this room in our new house. Same for the baby room. It's hard to believe that we'll really have a child in our new home! We're thrilled! Can't wait to decorate and get our new baby room ready.

The area is actually really nice for kids over here...there are lots of young families. There are always kids outside playing on the street. There is a park nearby. It's very safe. I think we're going to like our new neighbourhood a lot too :0) It's great for kids as well...

Of course, when we move and we've settled in, I'll post some pictures of our new house. I can't wait to move! My mom, our personal decorator, is helping us with the colors and interior decorating. She's an artist, and she's just amazing with colors! She has the gift, and is able to visualize how it all comes together. We've found painters, and we're having them come by our new house to evaluate how much it will cost. My husband's parents live in Quebec and have offered to give us a hand as well. They might paint the basement and help us run errands, go shopping for missing items and dog sit while we move. My brother offered to come help my husband with the kitchen, since we want to replace the counter, the backsplash and the floor. I hope my mom will come later on sometime this summer to help us with the final touches!! It will be nice to be settled into our new house!

ICAB temporarily suspending new applications for adoption of chidren aged 0-36 months

Okay, there has been a rumor going around that ICAB was going to stop accepting adoption applications for children ages 0-36 months as of May 1st, 2009. I read on the website that there's a grace period though. Our resource person Anik never contacted me and I hadn't heard it from any official source, so I figured it probably just wasn't true! At least, I really hoped that it was just a rumour.

I just saw on Tangie's blog (thank you for the info and for giving such a quick update!) that the rumor has been confirmed. I went to go check out the website of our adoption agency, and indeed there is an official message explaining the situation. The Philippines will no longer accepting new applicants for adoption of babies ages 0-36 months. Apparently, they had a lot of applicants this past year, and now they're really back-logged. In order to accelerate the matching process, and to encourage the adoption of older children over the age of five, they're closing application for the adoption of younger infants temporarily. I guess most families want a baby, but they need people to adopt the older children too. There is no official date for when they will open again, but they have stated that they will remain closed until 50% of the families whom already have files open with ICAB have received a referral. It is not clear what will happen to folders already in progress...

I have to admit I had a bad feeling about this...I have been seeing families on various blogs waiting longer and longer, and I figured something might be up. It doesn't affect us in that our file is in the Philippines and we've already been accepted, but our wait will likely be longer than we thought :0( Then again, maybe this news will help speed things up...I guess that is the point, after all. We'll just have to wait and see...

Of course, I should not complain. There are so many families out there in the process of preparing their files right now, and they will have to wait till the Philippines re-opens. No one knows how long that might take, but it could be anywhere from a few months to a couple of years. Or perhaps they can choose to adopt an older child? What about those who just sent off their files and are waiting for ICAB approval? They are left in the dark for the moment as to what will happen. My heart goes out to all of these families! I can't imagine how frustrating and painful this must be. I feel very lucky to have received ICAB approval...
At the same time, thinking of the other famiies, I feel kind of guilty too!

I'm a bit discouraged at the long delay that lies ahead of us. Time has been flying by so far, and I was very optimistic that our wait would go by fast and that we'd get a referral really quickly...this is a wake up call! I realize now that there are a lot of other couples in the same position as us. As I wrote in my last post....I know it's a simple numbers game! There are only so many babies available for adoption in the Philippines, and there are soooo many families wanting to adopt...
I am actually surprised to see how many families are turning to international adoption.

We originally wanted to adopt from China, but we were told to expect to wait five years so we decided to look into the Philippines. I guess we weren't the only ones to have this idea...

I wish everybody the best!

A weekend together at home, on waiting, and a Tornado...oh my!

We just had a wonderful long weekend! My husband was home, which was really nice. Raphael was really grateful to be home too...especially to sleep in his own bed, I think! It's going by really fast now...there are only two weeks of classes left, and then it's final exams. I will have some correcting to do, but at least I can be in the same city as my husband then :0)

I find it hard being apart for so long, we miss each other a lot! Of course we call each other a few times a day, and we see each other most weekends...but still, it's not the same. It's hard to have serious conversations and to make plans when we're far apart. Some things you just can't really discuss over the phone. It was really nice to catch up over the weekend :0) We had fondu (our absolute favorite!) for dinner on Saturday night. This is always fun, because you sit around and take your time to eat with fondu. We watched a couple of movies. The weather was nice and we took out our bbq and patio set as well, and had our first bbq of the season last night! It was sunny and warm when I went to get the groceries and decided on bbq, but by the time Raph came home from work for dinner, the clouds had come in and it was raining. So we ended up eating inside. The food was really yummy anyway, and we had a nice evening.

On Sunday, we found out that a tornado hit our new neighbourhood during the night! Now how freaky is that! One of our new neighbours (a future mama to a filipino bambino!) was kind enough to offer to go by our house to check it out. I thought that was really sweet, and appreciate it a lot. Particularly since they were very busy and in the middle of cleaning up after the mess the tornado made. I was very reassured when she wrote me back that everything looked fine. Since we haven't moved in and taken possession of the house yet, we are not responsible for any damage...but I was still a little edgy and worried. Unfortunately, our new neighbours were not so lucky...their house was hit, and there was several thousand dollars of damage. Je vous souhaite bon courage!! Hey, c'est une belle excuse pour refaire le plancher de votre cuisine...hehehe
The important thing is that no one was hurt.
My mom had a good and interesting way of looking at this and seeing it in a positive light...I will do the same. Anyway, it's mother nature...what can you do?! We have no control over that.

The wait for the adoption and the move is going well...much better than I thought! I am feeling a little discouraged at how long I'm seeing some families wait for their referrals though. I realize that it's a numbers game, and it's a question of how many children are available for adoption in the Philippines versus the number of couples who applied. It's still very frustrating to see families waiting for so long...
It makes me wonder, when will our turn come?! How long will we have to wait?
As my husband always says, our turn will come...let's enjoy our time together as a couple (just the two of us!) and make the best of it before our child arrives...once there's a third person in the picture, everything will change! We should travel and do things that will be more difficult once we have a little one.
And we'll never get this time back....