Four months since ICAB approval!

Today it is four months since we officially received our ICAB approval.
Wow, honestly the time is just flying by these days! I guess it`s because we`ve been busy with work and with moving. I can`t believe another month has gone by already!
Of course, I`m not complaining. I`m glad that it`s going by so fast. On the other hand, I`m starting to think about all of the things that still need to be done before we travel and before we have our child...honestly, it`s probably a good thing that we still have a few months ahead of us to prepare! Like Raph always says to me, one thing at a time...take it one step at a time! We`ll get there...

Our house in Amos has officially been on the market for a week now...Hydro informed us yesterday that we've already received three offers, so it looks like selling our house is not a problem at all! It's just a question of some paperwork at this point. I really should have known, with the painting and the interior decorating that we did...my mom is an artist and just has an eye and a feeling for this! Not to mention that there just aren't any houses for sale in our area, so there's no competition...there's a shortage of housing, and the house have been selling well, as Raph' mom told us. She's been following the real estate market over there, and was pretty much right on :0) I was a bit worried, because of the economy right now and the housing market up north...but, it looks like I worried for nothing! As usual! I guess I should know by now that moms are always right...both my mom and Raphael`s mom assured me that we would have no problems selling the house, and that we would even make a profit with it...and they were right, of course!! So, that`s great news...we`re very happy with how smoothly and quickly the sale of our house went. Now, let`s hope the move goes as smoothly and quickly...as previous experience shows, I`m probably worrying and stressing about that for nothing too!! What a waste of time and energy :0)

My new resolution is to try and focus on the positive, and to invest my energy in things over which I have control...and the rest, well...I just have to learn to let it go. It`s no use worrying or stressing about things over which I have no control. It doesn`t do any good! What is that passage from the bible?
Give me the Strength to accept the things I can not change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Or that Doris Day song: Que sera, sera!! Whatever will be, will be...the future`s not ours to see...Que sera, sera!!

A nice rendez-vous, and a nice weekend overall!

We've been having a great weekend! The weather's been nice, and we've had lots of nice activities. Raph arrived on Friday. He played golf during the day with some colleagues, and I had my last day of correcting English exams at the College. On Saturday, my six year old niece K had her karate test to get her yellow belt. Raph and I had the privilege to go and watch her. It was really neat to see. She was so concentrated and disciplined! And, she passed her yellow belt. She was the youngest and one of the smallest in the group, but she did it. I am so proud of her!

After the karate, Raph and I had a meeting with a couple adopting from the Philippines. I've been following their blog for a couple of months now, and they happen to live close by to my brother's house! So, we thought it could be nice for us to meet in person! We seemed to have a lot in common, and the timing was good. Being shy and introverted, I admit that I was a little bit nervous about the meeting at first...but I really didn't need to be! It was really nice, and it kind of felt like we already knew each other. I felt comfortable and at ease, which I'm really happy about. It was just great to be able to talk openly and freely about adoption and the Philippines with people going through the same experience! It's different from talking with my family and friends about this...since they're going through the same process as us, they truly seem to understand how we feel and what we're going through. It seemed like sometimes I didn't even need to finish a sentence, and they already knew and understood what I meant. It was just nice to be able to share and exchange! And the guys seemed to get along as well, which is always a very nice bonus :0) We had really interesting discussions, and I hope that we will be able to do it again soon :0)
I'm looking forward to meeting other families in the process of adopting from the Philippines in the near future! There are a couple of families in the Gatineau area whom I've been in touch with, and there's also a family living not far off from where my in-law's live...so, I hope that I'll get the chance to meet up with them this summer, once we've settled into our new house :0)
I feel very lucky to have found so many families in the process of adopting from the Philippines in our area, and I'm really looking forward to meeting them in person :0)

Cute true story about language issues

I was getting bored with the beige colored background of my blog, so I decided to give my blog a little facelift! Also, the month of May is over...so I figured it was time to move on from the tulips (which I put on to represent my Dutch heritage, and our impending move to Gatineau-Ottawa!)

I have only a couple more days left of correcting, and then we leave for Gatineau! I can't wait to get settled into our new house. I'm looking forward to starting our new life over there. It's great to be in Montreal, I'm really enjoying it. Other than the cold, rainy weather we had last week, that is. It's great to spend some time with my brother, his wife and my two nieces! My little niece K is going for her yellow belt in karate on Saturday morning...I'm so excited for her! We're going to go and watch. I also got the chance to see a couple of my close friends (whom I hadn't seen in a long time! One of them had a baby in the meantime, and I finally got to see him!) It was really nice to get a chance to catch up. I'm looking forward to living closer by and being able to see them all more often. Still, although it's been great being in Montreal, I really miss Raph a lot! Being apart for so long is not easy on either of us! It's hard only seeing each other on weekends. Usually, we have so much to do, to organise and to prepare for both the move and for work that even during the weekends, we haven't really had any time to spend together the last few months. We talk on the phone two or three times a day, but it's just not the same. I can't wait for us to be together in our new house! He has three weeks of vacation this summer...I think that will be good for both us :0)

As for the adoption, not much news! I continue to reflect on the language issue... We were invited to a BBQ last Saturday by some old family friends of ours. Interestingly enough, this BBQ was held at our old house where we used to live when I was six or seven, in the neighbourhood where I grew up. Our friends bought the house from my parents many years ago. It was kind of strange being there with my brother. It brought back a lot of memories for both of us. We lived there for about three or four years. It was fun to see our old house...it hasn't changed all that much! Well, okay...my old bedroom is now a black dining room...but other than that, it hasn't changed much at all!

Raphael and I at the BBQ at my old house

Anyway, I digress...I do have a point! I'm getting to it! See, our family friend, D, asked me if I remembered how we first met. I told her no, I thought that she was a friend of my brother or my sister from high school. Apparently, the first person she met from my family was actually me! She was babysitting these two kids one afternoon, and all of a sudden, this little blond five year old girl just wanders in the front door and starts playing with the dolls and the toys! D went over to talk to this little girl, to explain to her that she can't just walk in like that, and to try to find out where she lives. However, the little girl was babbling in another language, so they couldn't understand each other! D was getting worried, so she walked outside with her to try and find her parents. Sure enough, a tall blond teenager was riding her bicycle down the street, looking for Amber! So, that's how she met my family...

It's interesting to me to hear this story...I'm actually a pretty quiet, shy, conservative, introverted person. This bold, fearless, adventurous, out-going little five year old that D describes doesn't resemble the adult me at all!! I kind of wish it did, though! Where did that Amber go? What happened along the way? This story reminds me that I actually didn't know any English or French when we first moved here. I was five years old, and spoke only Dutch. I managed to learn to speak French and English quite fluently, and I think that I will be able to pass this on to our child as well. Children are sponges and learn very quickly. I learned French in Kindergarten, by playing with the other kids. I learned English a couple of years later, and it was even easier for me to learn. Now it has become my dominant language. It's much more difficult to learn a language as a teenager, or as an adult!! Perhaps the younger we start teaching our child languages, the better. On the other hand, another school of thought states that if you teach too many languages at once, at too young an age, that person will likely never really fully master any one language. They'll be able to get by in three languages, without really mastering the intricacies of the grammar and the complex vocabulary of any one particular language. I know this to be true, I am living proof that there is something to be said about this theory! I still think we will try the bilingual approach, where Raph speaks in French with our child, and I in English. We'll see how it goes. And if we see that it doesn't work, we can always make adjustments as we go along! Nothing is set in stone :0)

Filipino cuisine continued...

Thank you all for your wonderful responses! Yay, now I have a few titles to look for at the bookstore :0) I can't wait to try some of those recipes...I'll let you know how it goes!

I too believe that it's very important to expose our child to more than just the symbolic food, costumes and holidays by getting involved in local Filipino culture. I think that it's vital in the forming of the identity of our child. After all, our child is, and will always be, Filipino. That's part of who he or she is! I want him or her to know what that means, what it entails and to be proud of this. Reading Emilie's comment on cultural integration, it really resonates with me. Deep down, this is what I truly hope for! All the books that I've read so far on international adoption express this exact same idea of exposing the child to various cultures (in particular the culture of the child's country of birth) as being what's best for identity formation and bonding. I think when we're talking about inter-racial adoption, this becomes even more important. I'm still not quite sure how to get involved in local Filipino culture, but I think I just have to be on the lookout for cultural activities locally...and be open and receptive to different opportunities that present themselves. Actually, such an opportunity presented itself just this weekend! A close friend of mine, M, mentioned that she might be able to put us in touch with some people she knows. Her step-mother's brother is married to a Filipino lady. They will be in town this summer, and we are trying to arrange something so that we can meet them! My husband and I are really looking forward to this, and we hope it works out. M forwarded my last posting concerning Filipino recipes to them, and they responded that Filipino cooking involves rice, rice, and more rice :0) I thought that was cute (and undoubtedly very true, like most Asian cooking!) They also graciously forwarded the following link, which I thought I would share with you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuisine_of_the_Philippines
It's a great link describing the staple Filipino foods and also has some traditional recipes from the Philippines.
On a side note: now I'm really glad that we've got a rice steamer! It makes the best rice, and it's sooo simple to use! I don't like machines, but this one's really basic and user friendly, and the rice comes out perfect each time! As for the McDonald's...I was just talking about this with my sister in law C, whose family is from China and who has travelled to Asia a few times. We were talking about some of the different delicatessens and the different dishes that they eat over there. In most of Asia (other than the rice, which we've already covered!) they also generally like to eat ALL parts of the animal. My brother and I joked that there's always a McDonald's, if worse comes to worse! You can find that almost anywhere. She said: you guys laugh, but the best McDonald's I ever had was actually in Japan! It actually tastes different in different countries. Although I've never been to Asia, I have to agree that the McDonald's I've eaten in Europe did taste different! And my husband's take on all of this? Hey, I am not travelling all the way to the Philippines to eat McDonald's!! Raph has always had a strong stomach and isn't a picky eater at all, so I'm sure he'll be fine. Still, something tells me that we won't feel much like trying different restaurants in the Philippines with our little one in tow...honestly, I imagine we'll probably be spending most of our time in the hotel room, ordering in room service (if possible!) and just getting to know each other. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things go when our turn comes :0)

On a different note, I thought that I would include a picture of some tulips, for the month of May! It's tulip season in Ottawa :0) Each year, the Dutch royal family donates tulips to Ottawa to thank them for having taken in the Queen of Holland during the second world war.

My picture of tulips, which I had posted in the title space previously to represent Ottawa, and of course my dutch heritage. I don't want to forget my dutch culture and language either :0) I will do my best to find a balance, and to keep all of the different languages and cultures alive...

A question of communication: linguistic issues

Well, my classes are done now and I've seen my students for the last time. I also finished correcting the final exams. Raph came up for the weekend. He graciously helped me with totalling up the marks and entering the grades into the system...that way, it's all double checked, and it goes twice as fast ;0)
We also cleaned out the fridge, cleaned up the garage and the back yard (Raph would have mowed the lawn too, but there was snow on the ground in the morning!) I also did the laundry and cleaned out the clothes from our closets. Basically, we did a quick spring cleaning and got the house ready for visits. We should get our price for our old house this week from the company, and the For Sale sign will go up as soon as we accept and sign the papers. So, this is it...my classes are done, we spent our last weekend in Amos...we're really moving! It's starting to feel real now!! I received confirmation for the correcting of the College English Exit Exam. I will be working as a marker for the May session. This takes place in Montreal, so I'm going to stay at my brothers for a couple of weeks. It will be nice to spend some time with him, his wife and their two girls. I'm a little sad to be saying goodbye to our house and my students over here and to think that it's over for real...but I'm also really happy and excited to think about the new life that's about to begin for us. A new house, new city, new friends, new job...and hopefully soon, a baby. Our lives are going to change a lot over the next year or so! I'm really excited, but also a bit nervous :0) Change is good, and we learn and grow from such experiences...so I'm embracing it :0)

On the adoption front, things are moving along quietly, slowly but surely...really, there's nothing new to report! I found out that for the immigration papers, it will be a lot simpler than I thought. The letter we received was the confirmation that we were waiting for all along...I thought we would receive an official document, but Anik (our wonderful resource person!) explained to us that till we get a referral, that letter confirming they received our paperwork to open a file is all the agency needs. And the kit that immigration sent us to fill out once we receive a referral, that's only for couples adopting from China...for the Philippines, you don't need the whole kit with the pictures, etc...
But, I'm getting ahead of myself....first, we need to receive a referral before we start to worry about citizenship! Still, you need to open a file with immigration when adopting, otherwise you can't accept the referral...so, it's important.
Really, there isn't much left for us to do now till we receive our referral! There won't be much for me to report on the adoption front either...now, we just sit back and wait!!
A bloggy friend that I've been following for a few months now received a referral for an adorable twelve month old baby boy :0) I'm so excited for her and her family! It's very fun and encouraging to see referrals :0) It makes it feel more real.

I've been thinking about the language issue quite a bit recently...
Our future child will probably have heard Tagalog from the caretakers for the first year of his/her life. Maybe a little English.
My husband and his family are Francophone and they speak French.
My family is from Holland, and we speak mostly Dutch when were all together at family gatherings.
English is the international language, and it's the language which I'm most fluent and most comfortable expressing myself in... (since I moved out of my parents' house and no longer speak or hear Dutch on a daily basis, I'm losing my Dutch, even though it's technically my mother tongue!)
Now, what do we teach our child!? My husband and I are both bilingual, although my husband's French is much stronger than his English, and my English is stronger than my French (especially in writing!) I think that what we will do is: I will teach our child English and speak mostly English at home, and Raph will speak to our child mostly in French. Also, we plan on sending our child to a bilingual school, where students get equal amounts of French and English at school. I hope that my family will help in keeping the Dutch heritage and tradition alive. If our child doesn't speak French, it will be difficult for him or her to communicate with my husband's family...and if I don't teach a little Dutch to my husband and our child, we will always stand on the outside...when you have to translate or explain a joke, it just isn't funny anymore! And it's hard to follow a conversation when you're busy trying to translate or explain something...
So, yes...the language question is an issue!

I don't want to forget our child's Filipino heritage and culture either...
I think it's important to honour that as well.
One day, when our child is old enough...(and shows interest!) I would love to travel to the Philippines and visit the sites of his/her birth country. Learn about Filipino culture. But I leave this up to our child, and respect whatever he or she wishes...if going back is too painful and stirs up too many memories, or if there's no interest and our child is too North American by that time to be curious about the country of birth, I will understand and respect that too. Of course, there are ways to learn about different cultures without travelling, such as cooking traditional food, wearing traditional clothing, etc...
I am looking for a Filipino Cookbook, or just traditional recipes from the Philippines so that I can start learning how to cook at least a couple of traditional Filipino meals. If anyone has any cookbooks or recipes that they can recommend, that would be greatly appreciated :0)

Happy Mother's Day!

A special happy mother's day to my mom!
Thank you for everything that you've done for me...
You've always been my number one fan, supporting me, believing in me and pushing me to be my best. You've always been there for me whenever I needed you.
Know that I am grateful and appreciative, and I love you!
I'm sure that I'll only truly realize, understand and appreciate the full extent of what you've done for me once I have a child of my own, and become a mother myself...
So thank you, and I hope that you have a wonderful day!

For all of you moms and future moms out there...here's a song dedicated to you. This is one of my favorite mom songs! My mom sent it to me by e-mail, from Youtube. I just love it and wanted to share it with all of you.

It's funny, and so very true!! Indeed, a mother's work is never done. So here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGViouBPNIU


Also, it's our three month anniversary since ICAB approval :0)
Although we haven't met you yet, our hearts are already filled with love for you.
Already three months that we've been waiting officially to become parents to our little Filipino baby...three months closer to holding you in our arms and bringing you to your new home to begin our lives as a family.
And three months closer to the day we can celebrate mother's day together :0)
I promise you that we will find a way to honour the memory of your birth mother on this day as well...

So happy mother's day everybody! Enjoy :0)

On dealing with infertility

I got back on Sunday night from a great weekend with Raphael in Gatineau...it was short, but sweet! I drove down alone with the dog (I'm pretty proud of myself!) Poor Carbon got motion sickness and threw up in the car on the way down. What a yucky mess! It's a good thing we decided to put a stain resistant spray on our back seat! It cleaned very well. I guess it's good practice for when we have kids :0) The drive back went much better. I stopped more often to let her run around, I guess that helped!

Raph and I took our dog for a walk in Gatineau Park On Saturday. It's such a beautiful, big park...I know we're going to love hiking with the dog over there, going for bike rides, bringing a lunch and going for a picnic. I saw that there's a kind of beach too...even camping and canoeing! I can't wait...

We're in the middle of moving. Raph just started a new position, and he's thinking of doing his MBA next year, and I've always dreamed of doing my Ph.D. I'm looking for a new job as well. We've got lots of projects on the table and our lives are pretty full with family and friends. That being said...we're very eager to have a child! We strongly desire to become a family. The best way I can explain it is that we just don't feel complete without our child!
It comes in waves though, it depends on the day. Somedays I'm really busy, content and fulfilled and time just seems to fly by...other days, I just wonder when it will be our turn and I feel a little jealous! I read someone else admit to this on her blog, and it has given me the courage to admit to it too :0) I'm not proud of it, on the contrary I'm rather ashamed...envy and jealousy are ugly...but it's unfortunately true. I'm kind of jealous of my friends who are pregnant or have children, and I'm even envious of those who've gotten their referral. Of course I'm genuinely very, very happy for my friends, but it's often tinged with jealousy and pain when it comes to having babies and children. Especially in the dark witching hours of the night, I struggle with my emotions and lie awake thinking to myself "why not me?" or "why not us?" Raph and I are a wonderful, intelligent, loving couple (if I do say so myself!) We're responsible, well-educated adults with good jobs and a stable lifesyle...so indeed, why not us?! At this point, I usually have my childlike reaction and think to myself...it's just not fair!! My dad used to always tell me that no one said life was fair when I shouted that. It always worked...because it's true! Who said life was fair?! Whoever promised us that?! There is no right or wrong, fair or unfair in our infertility issues...it just is!! It's been very difficult to accept and come to terms with, but it's simply a fact. Our reality. I don't think anyone "deserves" a child more than another. Everybody's got a story, everyone has their own struggles.

We've been waiting for what feels like such a long time and we've gone through so much to have a child! We went through fertility treatments for over two years before going to adoption. Putting together a file takes nearly a year of hard labour and energy with the psychological evaluations, and all of the paperwork. I guess it's no wonder that after all of that, the wait can feel like an eternity sometimes...
Since I turned thirty, it's gotten harder. I always thought that I would have my first child by the time I'm thirty...watching everyone else around me start their families, and not being able to do the same is difficult. It's that biological clock that's ticking, it's just in our nature! We can't help it, we've been programmed that way for thousands of years. It's such a primal desire to want to bear children. I guess we just have to trust that when the time is right, our turn will come...
Raph and I have grieved the idea that we'll never have a biological child together, nor will we ever experience pregnancy (although almost everyone who's gone through it tells me it is highly overrated...but I don't care! I would have loved to experience this...)
Grieving was a very difficult and painful process. We came out of it stronger and closer as a couple, and we'd still love to experience raising children together, finally becoming a family!!
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Had I gotten pregnant, it could have cost me my health. Through adoption, we are hopefully giving a child a chance for a much better quality of life, which might otherwise not have been the case. I know that my mom is right about one thing...once we have children, we'll be wondering why the heck we were in such a rush. Why didn't we just enjoy our freedom and our time together as a couple when we had the chance!? Being parents is hard work, a full-time job! Is it because of pressure from society? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...well, the baby in the baby carriage, no?! Ask any five year old, they'll tell you! It's hard some days, not to get lost in the dream of the future...but we have to stay and live in the present...enjoy the moment to the fullest! Our children will be there before we know it...and we have the whole rest of our lives to be moms.

You know what I read in a book about adoption today? I read that caretakers in orphanages often promise children a world filled with toys and trips to Disneyland when they go live with their new families. I guess they try to make the future enticing to them as well. I had to laugh when I read that! Who knew?! If that's true, then our child is going to be pretty disappointed when he or she gets here! Are we in for a major reality check when the rose tinted sunglasses come off?! Hmmmm....I guess time will tell.